Tag Archives: Suicide

Releasing Old Stories, and Reworking New Scripts

Posted on by under Consciousness, Native American, Shamanism, Uncategorized

A New Moon arrives on January 24.
And then after that, the Chinese New Year of the Rat on the 25th.

The duality of an old world dying, and a new one
birthing is laborious, and painful to watch at times.

This transition into a new age and paradigm
goes by different names, just like the moons.

Does that early leaf falling in late summer,
bring you into your fears about the waning light,
and cooler temperatures?

Like all transitions, many people are
questioning where they have been,
and where they are going in their lives.

Some say they don’t want to live on the planet anymore.

There are many forms that people play with to do
that in their consciousness by way of escapism, fantasies,
hitching a ride to another galaxy in a spaceship, running from
our feelings, or retreating into a personal bubble.

One of the ways people give up is through death by suicide.

Killing yourself is certainly one of the 10,000 ways into
the valley of death.

But there are more purposeful ways to expand our souls,
and liberate them, rather than by ending your body’s experience here.

Besides, it’s a really traumatic experience, and terribly confusing.

That’s why I try to be mindful of killing with kindness, and
remember to meditate on Groundhog to die without dying.

It makes sense to me that our ancestors celebrated the Imbolc,
because it marked the mid-point between the Winter Solstice, and Vernal Equinox.

The popular American holiday of Groundhog Day reflects
this symbolism because energetically Spring is starting already.

It’s good medicine to celebrate the light rising at the end of the tunnel,
and the wisdom to see light, and dark balancing each other out again.

As dark of a topic as suicide is,
it does not discriminate.

It doesn’t care if you are rich or poor, what your race,
ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation is, what political
party you belong to, or if you are an introvert or extrovert.

Suicide is something most people contemplate.
But most people don’t do it.

And one of the reasons people don’t end their lives is that people think about
the impact it will have on the survivors, and the holy hell it leaves behind.

One of the complexities of suicide is that people
who try to end their lives, or do end their lives
are sick of the pain, don’t want to deal with it anymore,
and wish their pain would go away.

As a survivor of a completed suicide,
it has been a long journey in working through my own healing process.

It hasn’t been easy to look forward to this month in a new way.

Anniversaries can bring all those feelings,
and old stories right back to the surface –
regardless of how deeply submerged or buried they were.

I can still remember getting the call that my mom
had left this Earth 25 years ago, like it was yesterday.

As you can imagine, that wasn’t an easy call to take,
even though I had tried to prepare myself for it from her previous
attempts, and knowledge of how extreme her shifts
between internal order and chaos could be.

I feel thankful to my family, friends, and fraternity brothers
who were there to cushion the blow, and help me see that
a safety net was there when I needed it.

There have been many ebbs and flows along the way,
regarding how I have handled this tragedy, or not handled it.

Like Sting, I have worn the royal crown of the King of Pain,
and traveled through Dark Knight of the Soul.

For a long time, I’ve been good at hiding that side of myself.
Wearing masks can do that.

But it can also show you who you really are before you are
ready to show your dark and shadow sides to others.

The old survival of the fittest paradigm is
part of a dying process, just as are old stories.

On some level, we have believed that “it’s just the way it is.”

People have been put into boxes, and believed in those boxes.

If you didn’t identify with one version of yourself,
or what someone told you about yourself.

Perhaps you’ve rebelled by becoming the opposite side of the same coin.

The grip of those old stories can be hard to let go of.

We humans have believed in them,
and developed attachments to those stories.

Like with all new moons,
this new moon coming is associated with new beginnings.

And so it is with the lunar energy of a new year.

Rats are shrewd creatures, and can symbolize prosperity,
according to Chinese astrology.

What shrewdness, and prosperity do you want to bring to the table,
and manifest on our Planet in the year ahead?

In social science, rats are associated with behaviorism,
and applied behavioral analysis.

Like humans, rats are intelligent creatures.

Sometimes, behaviorism gets a bad rap about
wanting to manipulate, and control people.

But any knowledge that gets in the wrong hands
embodies that kind of stupidity.

I recently saw an old you-tube interview with B.F. Skinner.
And it was illuminating to see him talk about how he
saw his psychology as a way for individuals to empower themselves.

And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that country rats have been
identified as smarter than city rats.

We all do better in smaller, more intimate circles where we feel
part of a community, and organically connected to Nature.

If you can see the maze for what it is, you can then
see yourself rewiring new cognitive maps.

These are the days of creating amazing portals into new ways of being.

Till we tweet again peeps,

Ari

Revisiting Our Cardinal Virtues

Posted on by under Native American, Shamanism, Uncategorized

Do you hear Cardinal whistling a prequel
to the intensities of Summery breezes blowing in the wind?

When I think about suicide, and reflections of some of Anthony’s Bourdain’s
comments about his own arrested development, tasting desperate, privilege,
and the tension of opposites he felt about his
personal wrestling with the interplay between order and chaos . . .

I can understand how he would have had enough of
the pain and suffering in this world, and felt like it was time to check out

Truth is, it can be hard to suck it up, get up,
and keep moving forward in the natural school of Hard Knox . . .

The trick is to learn how to make friends with your inner angels and demons,
and integrate your past selves with the new beginnings of your rebirth . . .

Can you hear Cardinal’s virtuous voice singing
songs about the winds of change blowing in?

Her chorus echoes a callback about empowering us to transition
into the vibration of an innate feminine power!

Perhaps you see yourself as a generalized, intense masculine charged,
get things done, taskmaster doer!

That’s OK, so long as you don’t get identified with that role
Otherwise, you can bet your bottom dollar on a slippery slope ahead . . .

Connect with your heart, let her light your way with your head held high,
with a wide angled gaze in your field of vision . . .

It can be challenging to tune into Nature’s mixed messages that blow in
different directions around our Planet

On one perch, Cardinal reminds us to nurture our own life force –
But too much fire from the sun’s rays can burn you at the stake

Might as well remember to wax on our creative energies
and wash our feminine selves with the watery tides of our intuitive faculties

Time to come out of hiding behind the shadows,
and let your inner light shine like the sun

Meditation on Cardinal’s energy awakens
exploration of traditional, old school values . . .

These re-discoveries are divergent planetary systems of thought
from unconventional beliefs that are worth remembering

Masculine yang gains ground,
while Summer Solstice reveals peak sunlight later this month,

Follow the moonlight toward the Monty of a Full Strawberry Moon
when it bears its fruit at the tail end of the June . . .

See you next time along the trails,

Ari

A Waning Full Cold Moon Sheds Light On This Week’s Winter Solstice

Posted on by under Consciousness, Native American, Shamanism, Uncategorized

As a suicide loss survivor, I understand how tragic and painful it is to
lose a loved one to an untimely and unexpected death

Many souls have left our planet at this time of year . . .

Regardless of how our loved ones die . . .
There is a deep hurt from the great void that follows

It can be challenging to hear the flat musical dirge of the funeral procession . . .

Sometimes, we are left with regrets about unfinished business . . .
Revisit those relationships, and picture them now with love and light

It takes letting go of old wounds to
expand personal identity and boundary development . . .

It can be hard to understand how not to take the pain of another personally . . .

This world can be a hard place to live,
especially when you are a sensitive person . . .

It is possible to remain your authentic sensitive self,
without slaying the dragon that breathes fire into your natural entity

But it is not always easy, nor does it always feel good or graceful . . .
Part of healing, is getting scorched

May the light of Christ Consciousness enter your being,
and allow you to feel the joyous spirit of Christmas . . .

Are you following your bliss?

May we see the light beyond our grief and loss . . .

Even in darkness, we all have an awakening light within
that wants to express itself in the outer world

Look at the bright side of Standing Rock,
There is an expression of a powerful solidarity in our common ground . . .

Everyday people are standing up to the Powers That Be . . .
Wounded soldiers, and common folk alike

Look back on the old story of gentle Deer gazing into the eyes of a
powerful Demon blocking the trail on the mountain en route to Great Spirit . . .

Remember that Deer did not back down out of fear . . .
She asserted Her right to climb the mountain to connect with Great Spirit

The way, the truth and the light is listening to Kingdom of Heaven within,
and welcoming the Divine Light of our Being . . .

We all have it, even if we have forgotten

Brighten your spirits by firing up the lights of your inner Tree of Life . . .

Climate Change is an inevitable part of a seismic shift in our
collective consciousness or Great Awakening . . .

It will blow your mind, and shake your soul to its core . . .

See you further on up the trails,

Ari

Facing North with Lynx

Posted on by under Consciousness, Energy Medicine, Native American, Original Prose, Shamanism, Uncategorized

Facing North with Lynx
We venture across space and time
Discovering hidden lost treasures

How do we allow past lives
Illuminate the shadows of the present
To set sail toward clear skies ahead?

Nature gives birth to our blueprint orientations
But we are free to make our own footprints

What has been passed on to you by your ancestors?

While tracking with our snow shoe paws
We awaken to Heavenly knowledge of Dreamtime

What secret forecasts are hiding behind the clouds?

Remember that solitude need not be a lonely experience

Are your distractions a sleep-aid to your soul promptings?

Think outside the box . . .
What solutions do you hear echoing from stillness speaking?

Do you see or hear an unseen core of truth?

Lynx medicine is akin to spiritual x-ray vision
We peer deeper into our empathic connections in relationship

What do we do with this information?

As we move further away from the Winter Solstice
Closer to Groundhog Day, Chinese-Lunar New Year and then Spring Equinox
It becomes easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel

But in this darkness, it is a good time for
watching our surfacing dark feelings with a gentle gaze

Painful as they may be, it is wise to be informed by them
Without holding onto the shores
Or becoming consumed by their emotional darkness

May we write injuries in dust, benefits in marble

It has been 20 years since my mom killed herself
Half my lifetime ago

Leaving behind so much grieving for all of us
Such a challenge digging through the dark without losing sight of the light
Hasn’t been the first time I’ve been knocked down
And it won’t be the last

But the bell I choose to listen to
Is a bell of mindfulness

When I look to the past, I live in the present, with my eye on the future
Whatever I get hit with
I’m going to keep getting back up
And you can too

Lynx is a good reminder to hold onto knowledge with watchful eyes
Knowing that sometimes silence is a higher form of honesty
Even in transparency, we respect confidentiality

Now Mercury is in retrograde
Let go of left brain, rational, logical trying to figure it all out cognitive processes

Might as well go with the flow and open up to allowing
creative, intuitive, illogical and feminine faculties
to come out and play

Are you trusting your instincts?

Open minds channel alternative pathways and novel thinking

Seeing ourselves as eternal springs with an unlimited internal well of resources
helps shift from a victim mentality toward our True soul power

Clean care and clean Love burns greener energy into our atmosphere

Feed your soul with full-bellied laughter
Let your love and light shine on by wearing a genuine heart-smile

See you further on up the trails,

Ari

Nurturing Our Earthbound Connection so that Our Soaring Souls Have a Safe Landing Pad to Return

Posted on by under Consciousness, Energy Medicine, Native American, Original Prose, Shamanism, Uncategorized

Are you feeling depressed about living your life in the way that feels
programmed by external forces –
as dictated by society, family, friends and peers?

Do you want to live in alignment with your own soul’s purpose?

Do you feel that you suffer from the “disease to please” –
Pressured to fill a need for someone else out of a sense of duty and sacrifice?

If not now then when will master pretenders untangle from
this illusionary web and get wise to this act?

It is safe to turn inward for radical self-examination . . .
Watching what arrives from what once upon a time was submerged –
with a patient and kind heartfelt lens.

In our letting go of control and rigid attachment to expectations –
We open up to abundant Universal surprise birthday parties.

Robin Williams’ unexpected death is a sad reminder . . .
The knife of suicide cuts a deep wound into dark caverns of our psyches.
It is a terribly tragic loss that shakes our foundation.

Suicide is wickedly confusing to a lost soul with
devastating unintended consequences.
But it is not a preferred exit strategy.
Avoiding our pain leads to more suffering.

With meditation we learn to just sit with what is . . .
Rather than exiting with anger and denial.

Physically ending a hellish inner state of consciousness
is not a cease-fire on our souls.
We must rise up from the ashes of our inner demons
Summoning our “better angels.”

As the old saying goes –
Lessons will continue to revisit us until learned . . .
Whether in this life or the next.

Mother once said depression is like a storm that you ride out
without knowing where it will take you.

The cosmetics of our modern world will never fill our soulful appetites
like the Light of Consciousness.

We have discussed the relationship between brother order and sister chaos –
Formless energies awakening into our world of form.
Learning to co-exist in harmony is best medicine.

Out on the streets, jungleland takes root.
A lethal weapon meets arrested development . . .
When will our world’s movers and shakers open up a level playing field
by embracing our diversity within unity?

Remember that in every breath we take . . .
We witness a death and rebirth.

See you further on down the trails,

Ari

Dreaming a New Dream with Groundhog

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, it is a hump day of sorts.  In America we celebrate Groundhog Day, but its precursor is otherwise known as the Imbolc, the mid-point between the Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox.  Many of us feel the cold wind whistling deeply in our bones and get uncomfortable with the deep silence reverberating within our souls.  But we also know that in stillness, there is a wisdom that speaks of an arriving light from the heart of darkness.  This is a time in Nature’s cycle when we are “pregnant with the seed of the sun.”  Groundhog is good medicine for waking us up to that.  With Groundhog as a guide, we understand death without dying and the metaphor of reincarnation.  Moreover, we are at a powerful time to rise above our egotism and heed the call of our soul’s purpose.  As spiritual beings having human experiences, our priority while traveling here is not merely to make money and become a celebrity.  It is only when we become identified with those goals, where the ego feeds on our Being like a psychic vampire.  Rather, our purpose is to wake up to the reality that we are one with All-That-Is.  We all have star-dust in us, are influenced by the energies of the planets, their moons and we all rock.  In that light, Groundhog helps us dig through the mysterious underground tunnels of our souls and bring back hidden treasures of the Dreamtime to seed into our material world.

In our digging, We The People are waking up to our soul’s prompting that America needs to model effective leadership by shifting Her values away from bottom line profits and violence.  Instead of liberally funding corporations and Pentagon pork projects, we shift our resources toward the health and safety of our global citizenry.  We are moving into a consciousness that is waking up to celebrating our Diversity in Unity.  In this process, we are co-creating a world where we are all entitled to knowing the power of Love and being treated with dignity and respect, regardless of how much material wealth we have accumulated or privilege we were born into.  But there is great resistance to the Climate Change we face.  Like anxious rabbits, our friends in Congress are fleeing from enacting effective legislation that will take military assault weapons off the shelves.  The more that we resist gun control, the more the movement will persist.  If we don’t proactively adopt some Common Sense discipline here, like a parent setting a limit with an acting out child with a toy, our right to bear arms will be taken away.  This is a paradox that the NRA and folks that pack heat because they can must understand.  There is a far greater and sustainable fire power in peaceful and non-violence strategies for societal change.  The violence is waking us up to that, as evidenced by the Peace Movement being larger than we have ever known.  But you probably won’t see that on the News tonight.  In Maine, there is a grassroots movement to stop Tar Sands oil from flowing through pre-existing refined oil pipelines.  Also, there is movement for ranked choice voting, or ‘run-off’ elections that will impact our legislature and Governor that represents the manifestation of spiritual values into politics.  But we must let go of our addiction to war as a way of life and let this die without killing ourselves.  We have a war on hunger, poverty, crime, obesity and drugs, etc.  Last time I checked, we are losing all of these wars.  As we have discussed, there is a way out of this insanity.  My mom didn’t whack herself because she wanted to die.  Rather, she took her life because she wanted to escape, avoid her pain and the dramatic, ego-centered suffering she attached to her pain.  Although there is Freewill, our actions have consequences.  In her case, she created much more pain and suffering, not less.  She has since walked into the Light, though it has taken hard work that was a missed opportunity for her to do while she was breathing.  How many folks could stand to tap into the energy of Groundhog?  How many premature deaths could be prevented and lives sustained with the help of Groundhog medicine?

When we keep Groundhog in our meditations, we are equipped to learn how to die without actually physically leaving Earth.  Groundhog has great power to guide us through the darkness, so that we see light at the end of the tunnel.  During this journey, there is a restful sleep during the dirge, a parallel process to the slower heartbeat deep within the Earth right now.  May Groundhog help you allow the light illuminate the shadows within your souls so that you see this reflection in your outer field of vision.

See you further on down the trails,

Ari