Growing up, Mother’s depression was a suffocating and
crippling darkness that shrouded over me like a dark cloud.
She reflected on her experiences with depression by describing them
like storms that took her over like demonic possession.
I remember when Mother described how terrifying it was for her
when she crossed into the realm of psychosis,
and lost perspective on how to differentiate between reality testing of madness and lucidity.
This was a woman who would voluntarily check herself into
a psychiatric hospitalization and then break herself out.
But I can appreciate being stupid like a fox or a con artist conning himself.
Been there, done that.
Looking back, seeing Mother’s Higher Self being dominated by her lower self
was enough to drive me nuts.
As much as it was hard for her to breathe,
it was hard for those of us around her to breathe in her experiences with depression.
This happens to therapists, teachers, coaches, parents
and caregivers when they see their clients, students, athletes and children
getting stuck and falling short of their potential.
Such as the paradoxical self reflective truth of authentic reality testing.
Living closely with someone affected by crippling depression
can feel like the weight of the world on your shoulders.
This experience of internalized oppression is frequently felt
systematically by Black Indigenous People of Color
vis a vis the heaviness of institutionalized racism and colonization.
It was hard for Mother to not develop an attitude about her mental health,
in much the same way as it is for some BIPOC
and Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer people
who wrestle with their own experiences with internalized oppression.
Recently, I had an authentic conversation with someone,
and learned that they grew up with a parent who was “an undiagnosed sociopath.”
Talk about a feeling.
People like that parent and President Trump need mental health treatment the most,
but have a tendency to seek or accept it the least.
From their perspective, they don’t have a problem because
someone or something else is to blame and it’s on the rest of us to fix it.
Their level of narcissism and entitlement have insidiously
been woven into every fabric of their being.
That is why Trump’s own fans booed him when he told them to get the vaccine.
Their frontman’s advice was contrary to their engrained worldview,
which he merely helped spin.
But remember that those hardest to love need it the most.
Getting sucked into the vicious cycle of depression
is somewhat akin to the generational trauma
of poverty, learned helplessness, and victimization.
It can feel overwhelmingly impossible to find the strength
to transcend the experience of internalized oppression.
The universal truth is, we all suffer.
Competitive suffering doesn’t help relax that.
But having empathy for another’s suffering does.
Unplugging and liberation from the ghettos of the mind and mental enslavement
are a Dionysus like dismemberment of attachments
that have eaten at your soul and weighed you down.
Our ancestors have passed down this luggage to us that we are carrying in this lifetime.
May they walk with us to support us in our healing.
Decolonization is a process.
The time is now for a purification to release the death of the old self
with an energetic imprint of gratitude and letting go.
In these changing tides, may we surf these waves with mindful awareness.
Take care of yourselves everyone,