Even In Darkness, There Is Light and In Death, There Is Rebirth

Artwork by Barbara Merlotti

Growing up, Mother’s depression was a suffocating and

crippling darkness that shrouded over me like a dark cloud.

She reflected on her experiences with depression by describing them

like storms that took her over like demonic possession.

I remember when Mother described how terrifying it was for her

when she crossed into the realm of psychosis,

and lost perspective on how to differentiate between reality testing of madness and lucidity.

This was a woman who would voluntarily check herself into

a psychiatric hospitalization and then break herself out.

But I can appreciate being stupid like a fox or a con artist conning himself.

Been there, done that.

Looking back, seeing Mother’s Higher Self being dominated by her lower self

was enough to drive me nuts.

As much as it was hard for her to breathe,

it was hard for those of us around her to breathe in her experiences with depression.

This happens to therapists, teachers, coaches, parents

and caregivers when they see their clients, students, athletes and children

getting stuck and falling short of their potential.

Such as the paradoxical self reflective truth of authentic reality testing.

Living closely with someone affected by crippling depression

can feel like the weight of the world on your shoulders.

This experience of internalized oppression is frequently felt

systematically by Black Indigenous People of Color

vis a vis the heaviness of institutionalized racism and colonization.

It was hard for Mother to not develop an attitude about her mental health,

in much the same way as it is for some BIPOC

and Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer people

who wrestle with their own experiences with internalized oppression.

Recently, I had an authentic conversation with someone,

and learned that they grew up with a parent who was “an undiagnosed sociopath.”

Talk about a feeling.

People like that parent and President Trump need mental health treatment the most,

but have a tendency to seek or accept it the least.

From their perspective, they don’t have a problem because

someone or something else is to blame and it’s on the rest of us to fix it.

Their level of narcissism and entitlement have insidiously

been woven into every fabric of their being.

That is why Trump’s own fans booed him when he told them to get the vaccine.

Their frontman’s advice was contrary to their engrained worldview,

which he merely helped spin.

But remember that those hardest to love need it the most.

Getting sucked into the vicious cycle of depression

is somewhat akin to the generational trauma

of poverty, learned helplessness, and victimization.

It can feel overwhelmingly impossible to find the strength

to transcend the experience of internalized oppression.

The universal truth is, we all suffer.

Competitive suffering doesn’t help relax that.

But having empathy for another’s suffering does.

Unplugging and liberation from the ghettos of the mind and mental enslavement

are a Dionysus like dismemberment of attachments

that have eaten at your soul and weighed you down.

Our ancestors have passed down this luggage to us that we are carrying in this lifetime.

May they walk with us to support us in our healing.

Decolonization is a process.

The time is now for a purification to release the death of the old self

with an energetic imprint of gratitude and letting go.

In these changing tides, may we surf these waves with mindful awareness.

Take care of yourselves everyone,

Ari

Singing With Robin

I remember us receiving tweets last week from Chickadee reminding us to gently sing truthful songs of freedom. Perhaps not coincidentally, while out on the trails, I caught wind of a harmonic convergence between Robin and Chickadee. In their diversity, I noticed their unity when competing for food both peacefully and cooperatively. I don’t know if they particularly liked each other, but they didn’t seem to carry an air of judging one another as either inferior or superior. Don’t you love feeling your consciousness take flight when seeing birds of a feather respectfully flocking together? Robin feathers our ripple by belting out a melodious song that Spring has arrived. Robin encourages us to sing spirited songs and get into alignment with our Mother’s budding spring energy. Although robins don’t always leave us behind when the food supply is plentiful, they are among the first of their kind to return. Robin medicine affords us an opportunity to see that something new might want to move into our lives. Their energy facilitates growth during the birth of a novel and creative experience. Developmentally, their lesson plan aids us in acquiring and accessing traits in the spheres of being daring, communication skills and musical appreciation. The rusty-red coloring of their belly hints at the kundalini rising. Potential conflicts over territory are resolved through song, thus their blue eggs are symbolic of our throat chakras. How many great blues singers had Robin totems? As a singer-songwriter and a musician, I am a late bloomer. But it is never too late and there is so much help waiting for us in the spirit realm. Spirited energies are wanting to manifest now more than ever. They are free access to resources for all of us to share and they are channeling through our powerful animal friends as preferred mediums.

We know that during our experience with Climate Change, there is dark and stormy weather inside that reflects in our outer world. Many folks find security in their consciousness by becoming identified with something to anchor themselves. But at the end of the day, we can only really stand in our own personal authority and become secure with that. Some folks say that we are doomed and that we have passed the so-called tipping point of no return. Tempting as it is to have a cow about that, did anyone out there catch wind of the news that if we start grazing large herds of livestock on 1/2 of the earth’s barren or semi-barren lands–we could take enough carbon from the atmosphere to return to pre-industrial levels, according to an ecologist, “carbon ranchers”, organic consumers and climate activists? From a brain-program developmental perspective, we humans have the capacity to move from the primitive reptilian part of our brain to the pre-frontal cortex. This is how we evolve into what some folks call Homo Luminous, or from our more demonic selves into our more angelic selves, if you will. From a soulful place, this is what our awakening process reveals to us in our walking meditation. In Maine, a Healthy Kids Act is being considered to protect kids and the environment from chemicals of “high concern.” We are what we eat, in our spirits, our minds and our bodies. Consuming the energies of a New Moon on this Wednesday, Earth Day on April 22 and a Full Moon on the 25th can help facilitate the digestion process during our shifting tides. Becoming secure within our own personal authority by staying rooted is powerful medicine to ingest right now. When we stand in this space in our Being, we reduce pollution and sow the seeds of Love and Truth that will light our way into co-creating a Heavenly New Earth, Golden like our eighth Chakras.

I am reminded by the wisdom that our “intentions from the heart do have the power to change the world.” In that light, a most satisfying mind-soul dance step happens when we open up to allowing our heart’s sun and venus to shine out and amplify our heartfelt connections with one another. Growing up with a parent with clinical depression, I felt suffocated and needed to build a protective fortress around my heart. But with a super-sized energy field, extreme empathic sensitivity to the feelings of others and a security in my intellect, a part of my heart leaked blood for psychic vampires to feed on. Given that I indulged in their indulgences, coupled with my built-in anger, I became comfortable with my familiarity of victim consciousness. This Spring, may we allow the light to illuminate the shadows by all of us manifesting an internal spring cleaning, a la out with the old, in with the new. Imagine if the movers and shakers of the world collectively concentrated their energy on building green classrooms, where music classes took place in green-house like facilities, where robins were teacher’s aids in carrying out music lessons. Forget about band and chorus. Now isn’t that sound of music a harmonic convergence to our ears?

See you further on down the trails,

Ari